In a time where everyone is recommending that we reduce our meal portions to maintain better health, why is it that this tradition still exists? So many Indians are diabetic, have cholesterol, high blood pressure, and have suffered from heart issues – my father included (fortunately he is doing great now – how? with exercise and diet control!). With so many reasons not to continue this practice, what is it that makes us want to repeatedly fill up our guests plates until they literally run away from the dining table?
There’s obviously a lot of emotion tied to food. Most days we benefit from our parents’ (mom’s) or spouse’s (wife‘s) love that goes into the food, and often times we feel the affection from our hosts. Most genuinely care and honestly think that people will starve of shyness if they don’t continue to serve up a storm. However, it’s those times when it feels like the host takes pride in how many servings of their meal makes its way onto our plates that it becomes frustrating. I’m not blaming anyone for this tradition – the hosts even get upset with each other for “not trying hard enough” to get that extra laado (spherical sweet), or 5th bowl of kheer (liquid sweet) into the guests’ ever-growing stomachs. The host has no choice (apparently), they must carry out this mission.
Dear Indian hosts, here is a simple request from one of your frequent guests: I am now twenty-something years old, and therefore have had the opportunity to taste 94.86% of the food you are about to serve me. I have developed a taste for certain things (I like kadhi, love paneer nu shaak, and am willing to elope with pizza – sorry wifey) and my taste buds don’t jive as well with other things. I probably know you fairly well, having spent all my life in the wonderful Chicago metro area so you don’t really have to be concerned about me being shy and starving tonight – I promise! I really appreciate you inviting me over and I am really enjoying the [quantity of] items I selected to put on my plate myself, they’re really good! Now when I feel like I’ve had enough to sustain my life for another day I will get up with a smile having enjoyed my meal and no paper napkins will need to be harmed in the process.
I’d love to hear from anyone who can provide more insight into this tradition. I’m sure those who cook regularly have more knowledge about this than me.
Comments
9 responses to “Every Indian Host Has A Mission”
First of all, I am in complete agreement with this post. I’m sure we have all been victim to this tradition and I always keep extra napkins on hand for sneaky disposal of the extra food that I just cannot force myself to eat for fear of literally getting sick to my stomach.
However, as an Indian girl and a new wife, I can attest to the fact that no matter how strongly I am opposed to this tradition, it is one that I am forced to carry out. When the elder women in my family see how lax I am about forcing food on my guests, they are literally appalled at my hosting skills. Ann Indian woman’s success and self-worth as a cook are directly proportional to the amount of food their guests consume.
And on a smaller scale, I can understand this mindset. When I cook for my husband or friends, I always hope that they’ll like what I’ve made and enjoy eating it. There have been times when my husband will only eat a small portion of what I’ve made and even though he tells me he is full, I can’t help but wonder if he just didn’t really like the dish.
Still, forcing people to eat gigantic portions seems almost like a punishment. Unfortunately, as long as I am serving food alongside my mother or mother-in-law, I’m going to be forced to keep the tradition alive.
Pathik: I don’t normally comment on blogs. but I love food, especially when someone made it for me with so much love. I am not denying or disagreeing with the fact that we should eat healthy and in limited quantity. But to tell you the truth, I don’t think I can say no to my mom feeding me another ladvo (after I have just had an entire pizza my self). Why? is it because I love ladvo too much? or that I am still hungry? No. it’s because a little discomfort that extra ladvo may cause me is worth nothing compare to the love and happiness seen on my mother’s face when I eat that ladvo.
So should we eat healthy? Absolutely. Should we eat in limited/needed quantity? Absolutely. but instead of saying no to the 5th bowl kheer or 3rd ladvo. Why don’t we start saying no to the 3rd bowl kheer and 2nd ladvo and may be just may be, it will stop at 4th or 5th bowl of kheer and 3rd ladvo.
Again, I am absolutely agreeing to limited and healthy eating, I am 100% against wasting food- there are way too many people hungry in this world for us to be wasting a single bite. But I also have to defend the loving hands who made that food, loving eyes which gets teary when I eat, that satisfaction and happiness that my mother receives just because she feels I ate. Tradition should definitely stay alive. Next time I am at your house, tell bhooms to make some extra pav bhaji for me.
@Bhavika – awesome! I really wanted the honest point of view from “an Indian girl and a new wife.” I can understand the pressure anyone that has to cook for the family must be under if someone does or doesn’t like your food, but I also think that it should be understood that everyone will not like everything equally so it’s in your best interest to let them enjoy what they want to enjoy. It is also a known fact that variety in the diet (especially for vegetarians) is key to get everything we need. So some days you eat stuff you don’t love; you also do this b/c someone else in your family likes that dish more than you do, so you are OK with eating that occasionally.
@Parth – my main concern was not what your mother will feed you, but what people outside of your home try to feed you – whether that be out of love or tradition or pride (we don’t always know). You bring up a good point in that because we know this exists, our strategy should be to start with really small portions, and then start the “saying no” process early in the meal so that by the time they have given you food 2 or 3 times you will not have over-eaten. Good idea!
Good topic, Pathik. It’s high time that we take a different approach than the one of overstuffing our guests. There is often a lot of love and affection that goes behind doling out multiple helpings. But I wonder how much of this is also rooted in simply the desire to NOT come across as a negligent host. If we can be honest with ourselves and admit that is a good portion of what is behind that, then this whole tradition isn’t coming from a good place, you know?
In other cultures (who knows, perhaps desi culture as well), guests are presented with an incredible array of dishes – not so much for the enjoyment of the guests, but rather as a reflection on the host and what it implies about them, i.e., that they are wealthy enough to provide such lavish meals.
I agree that this is probably one of the biggest motivating factors: “the desire to NOT come across as a negligent host” and it stinks that image matters that much – but it does. There’s no way around it. We as a community like to share things with others very quickly (to put it nicely).
Great subject…..Its about time someone said something about the issue. Yes, we all do force a bit (serving certain items) to our guests and friends out of our love and affection but I do not believe in force fully serving the guest just to say or show that you (host) did serve them an extra ladvo on their plate. You can rest assure you will not be force at my house. As my father said, who was a doctor and he died at the age of 99 years, who always told us, “ooungh (sleep) and aahar (food intake) can be increase as much as you want and decrease as much as you want”. My father also said that,”one should eat bit less than one think he or she can eat at the time”. He not only preached that but he always practiced in his daily diet, no wonder he lived 99 years.
Looks like I really struck the right chord, a lot of people have been commenting. Your father’s example shows how important discipline really is. Ultimately it’s up to us whether or not we decide to eat the extra food. May we all be so lucky to reach 99!
Hi Prateik,
Even I cant deny that I was and I will be victim of this tradition. But, I found a better solution to escape of this situation. It might be funny but works. I start refusing when my stomach is 50% full :-). But, I know they will force :-). Ultimately, by the time my stomach will reach 100% of its capacity, Host will know that its enough of force and stop forcing us more.
You must try this out 😉
Thanks,
Arpit
Indians love to make and serve food whoever is on dining table, specially to invited guests have dinner with us which is special occaion of sharing. Food is a joy and binding to people. If you have occasion, it will be remembered by good food or bad memory of going hungry. Also we are talking about 2 different generational views here. The problem is not food, its lifestyle choice and awareness rather as first generation is too busy to support self, family and sometimes extended families and loose track of life itself on how years go by neglecting health in place to earn enough money just to stay afloat. Food is a required bodily need, every few hours its time to feed belly again. With processed food, grabbing quick bite, sugary drinks and foods, heriditary diseases, offshift work and so on adds up quick. Its not the same for second generations. Good education, resources, someone to fall back to and so on. But make a lite of it here as its just a blog and few views, overall its life’s experience that counts which always benefits the person so enjoy food, just be aware with better life style choice. Exercise or not some people are blessed with good health so count the blessings. As Chankaya says, you dont live long enough to make all the mistakes in life, its better to learn from other people mistakes. The subject here was to eat food given by Indian host? Take some polietly and share joy.